either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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