He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
