i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
