Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
