Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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