I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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