I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
