white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
