She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
