is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
