she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Four minutes until I can fart!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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