They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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