i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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