I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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