Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
