And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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