I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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