would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
