Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
