She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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