Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
