I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
