cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
