Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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