Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
