dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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