I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
