i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
