I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
