Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
