so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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