barbara walters just said penis...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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