I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
