So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
