Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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