I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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