So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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