I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
