I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
