I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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