i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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