awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
