ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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