I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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