I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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