I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
