I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
