Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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