Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the liver wants what the liver wants
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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