my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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