Have you finally orgasmed yet?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
