just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
