I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
