OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
