Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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