they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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