Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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