I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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