I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
