didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
