so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
