If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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